Warning, warning, Will Robinson! (Disclaimer, Before ANYONE reads into this... for the RECORD.... Im not having relationship issues!  This post is generic and based on a convo I had earlier today with a good friend.  Also, as you can see, its left me with more questions than answers, oh well, so is life.)  

The joy of perception is that it can only be owned by one person.  Of course, that is also the disadvantage of it as well.  How many times have two people been to the same event and upon reflection, their perceptions are not only different, but sometimes so vastly different one can wonder if there were both at the same event.  That of course is just one of those funny things we apply to "perception".  Perception is a complex conclusion based on not only physical evidence but also based on our moralities, mood, intelligence and a host of other related factors of our cognitive minds.  Since we decipher information based not only on what our senses can deliver, but also on our collective past memories and experiences, both positive and negative, there is no wonder that people rarely share similar perceptions.

Often little thought is given to that reality, until of course, the discussion becomes important because the perceived reality seems hurtful to one of the parties.

"We often hurt the ones we love" is an often uttered saying, but what does that really mean? 

People can be hurt for millions of reasons, from feeling slighted to outright abuse.  I don't believe the line "we often hurt the ones we love" has ever been an excuse for domestic violence or spousal abuse, not do I believe such a flippant saying was ever meant to cover such acts.   More than likely, it's often referred to the "little" things we do that inadvertently (key word: inadvertently)  hurts someone feelings.  

Lets be clear... There is no excuse for anyone that consciously goes out of their way to hurt anyone, be it loved ones or complete strangers.  Unconscious acts, on the other hand, often are a slowly ticking time bombs.  Sadly sometimes these act were in fact intended to be positive or helpful, but perhaps not well thought out.  (The road to hell... )  Other times they may be a lack of sensitivity, lack of understanding, apathy or a host of other human conditions that rule how we act, and what we say and do.

Regardless of the action, when hurt, the slighted or injured partner often has difficulty bringing it up, because each tiny event seems so insignificant they may appear as being oversensitive or insanely hard to please.  As well, often a tiny offence that is brought to light makes the partner that was responsible for it feel like they are being accused of something so inconsequential it really doesnt warrant discussion or even worse, may feel like they are being blamed for a malicious act of cruelty.  ALL because of perception.  

How can one deal with a perception when you truly can not share it as fact with someone you care about? 

The reality of perception, highlights a terrible but reoccurring pattern of hiding ones true feelings, due to fear of making the problem worse through discussion, the cycle emerges.  Therefore the hurtful words or behaviour continue (and often increase) and those that are hurt either take the blows or bottle up their feelings. Both reactions resulting in fuel for future issues or retaliation, either consciously or unconsciously.  Wow, what a horrible dynamic that plagues loving relationships.

How long can one turn the other cheek when someone subconsciously neglects or takes advantage or makes us feel poorly about ourselves without it causing emotional harm?

And perhaps more importantly, how do we stop the circle?

Fifty percent of marriage end in divorce.  People who at one time declared their undying love brought to a point in their relationship when they are dying to get away from each other.  We all want to believe that in most of those cases there was one huge problem that drove them apart, (a problem that we feel we could avoid) but its my opinion, that yes, while couples often fight about the major few topics (money, sex, ambition and kids) very few divorce for those reasons.  They divorce because collectively the damage done to each other has tipped the scales from feeling loved to feeling hurt, neglected, belittled, disrespected, or unappreciated.  Of course, this dynamic is not just saved for couples, but any relationship that enters into areas of trust and love, such as parents and children, extended family and close friends.  When we open the door to ourselves we open a potential of being hurt.  

Just what is the turning point, where we no longer turn the cheek?  

I'm not sure what triggers that turning point, but its easy to see what happens when we do.  We begin to react in our own ways, from extremes of walking away from a relationship, to accepting (usually with consequences) or returning those hurtful actions.  Of course, if the later is chosen, we often justify our hurtful actions with our feelings or our own sense of morality.   You neglected me so Ill neglect you more, you hurt me so I'll return that hurt, or you made me feel worthless and I'll make you regret that.  A vicious game of emotional ping pong, escalating slowly but surely over time, until our actions are no longer driven by love and respect, but instead driven by the need to protect our own egos or self-worth.  

Is there truly a way to avoid this sort of thing in a loving and equal relationship, or is one partner destined to take a subordinate position to the other for the sake of harmony?

Acceptance and understanding intentions can usually help, but too often the hurt still remains or this concept is bastardized by the offender, at least to some degree.  So I am not sure I will ever truly know the answer to this final question, but its worth pondering, imo anyway.  

Well, I don't think there's any way to avoid it, because it is not perceived as a problem until it's to late. And I think there's always a dominant person in any relationship (or group) but it's not static - the hierarchy often changes. Then you have situations where the non-dominant person(s) can mistakenly believe they are the dominant one.

But whatever the dynamics, I believe situations like this are destined to happen whenever people interact closely, and the best you can hope for is to not let it totally destroy the relationship. But that depends on everyone involved.

Oh, and happy belated mothers day o:)

Good points, and thank you for the belated mothers day wish.