If someone we care for is ill, we try to comfort them to the best of our ability.  We purchase flowers, or meds, we visit and hug, we try to provide help.  A wicked cold is soothed with a hot bowl of homemade chicken soup, a nagging back ache is relieved with a loving massage, and sometimes just offering to sit by someone that is stuck in bed is enough to lift their spirits.  But there are so many other things that plague people that we have no way of alleviating.  Chronic illness, mental illness and incurable diseases are nothing more than a life sentence. What toll does it take?  How can one give comfort?  Not only for the patient, but the caregiver alike.  There is often a mix of fatiguing anger, guilt, disappointment and pain on the part of the patient, but often those feelings cross over to the caregiver who feels helpless in doing anything that seems to assist in any way.  Of course, there are things we can do, to encourage and nurture, but if none of those things truly help or we cant see a positive benefit, it becomes frustrating and belittling to both players.  Often, the patient, feeling like a burden will withdraw from the person trying to comfort them.  That withdrawal seems hurtful to the caregiver, but is truly nothing more than a coping mechanism for the patient.  No one wants to encumber another, at least no one that has lived their life with pride and effectiveness.  How can their be dignity in life or in death, when dignity is stripped away from someone because they are helpless to care for themselves or are dealing with chronic (physical or emotional) debilitating pain?

When mum was in hospital dying of stomach cancer, she was unable to bathe herself, and you'd think that having someone bathe you with others looking on would be one of the most undignified things you could have to endure, especially when you've been healthy all your life. But she was happy to endure it, and encouraged us to stay with her even then, because she wanted as much time as she could get. Some of my fondest moments with her were when she was having her back-side wiped by a nurse.

I guess dignity is what you make it. And I guess everyone copes differently.